Caiden Cowger, a 14-year-old conservative from West Virginia, USA, has been stirring up trouble on the web lately with a series of videos covering a range of topics from how cool God is to why he won’t ever shut up — but most importantly, this video, a four-minute rant about how Obama is turning the children of his country into gay sinners.
I’m not going to pick on him, like The Young Turks did, nor am I going to make fun of his grammar, like TMZ. Obviously, he doesn’t need any more death threats or harassment. What he needs at this stage of his life is to realize the truth about himself.
Caiden Cowger, you are gay.
Think about it: one of the central arguments in the video is that because Obama says being gay is acceptable, people are deciding to do it. That argument is grounded on the premise that gay love is very tempting — so tempting that, with societal restrictions removed, all the country’s youth would give in to it.
Here’s the thing, though: gay love is not remotely tempting to a straight person. The only way your argument makes internal sense is if the person making it is, themself, very gay. You see homosexuality as a threat because your same-sex temptations are legitimately putting you at risk of defying the printed word of the bible.
Does this mean you will turn to a life of sin and suffer eternity in hell? No, it doesn’t. Your decisions are still yours to make: you could marry a wife, have several children, and take them to church every Sunday without ever seeing a naked man. That is, after all, the life that conservatives advocate for gays. Unfortunately, this does mean you’ll never be happy and you will die full of angst and self-loathing.
And that’s the real danger of religion. Because Caiden’s parents told him stories of a magical Justice Fairy, his life is doomed to misery — unless he comes to the realization that his god isn’t real, which itself is quite a terrifying experience.
This is the kind of damage that you can do to your children by teaching them your convictions. Sure, there is a chance that your child will be a straight, white male, with a hatred for shellfish, in which case he might be very well-adjusted with his Catholic lifestyle. More often than not, however, you will seriously twist your child’s perception of reality and make their teenage years unnecessarily harrowing.