The Twisted Truth behind Dan Soucy
Posted on 20. Jun, 2012 by Brianna Rainey in Humour, Rambles
Dan Soucy, a 19-year-old Canadian socialist, has been stirring up trouble on the web lately with mean, scandalous posts about our Lord and other central pillars of the good Christian web. Worst of all, Soucy has also recently taken to mocking the famous Caiden Cowger, accusing him of being a homosexual.
We should not allow this blasphemy to continue uncontrolled. His argument is grounded on the premise that the only people who would ever talk about gay love are people to whom gay love is very tempting — so tempting that, with societal restrictions removed, Caiden Cowger and supple blond Dan Soucy, would give in to it. But such an argument in itself is self-defeating, is it not? In order to think about such a thing in the first place, Soucy himself would have to admit the truth.
Dan Soucy: you are gay.
Here’s the thing: sodomy is not remotely interesting to a heterosexual Christian. The only way your argument makes internal sense is if the person making it is, himself, a sinner. Unless you’re seriously suggesting that a God-serving heterosexual male would be interested in the affairs of a homosexual? What possible motivation would he have to care about equality and issues of basic human dignity, if he’s already guaranteed his own paradise by doing nothing?
Does this mean you will forever lust after poor Caiden and suffer eternity in Hell? Yes. But you should torture yourself first, just in case God decides to forgive you. Your decisions are still yours to make: marry a wife, have several children, and take them to church every Sunday without ever seeing a naked man. You may be miserable for the rest of your life, but serving God isn’t about being happy; it’s about constant subservience to a greater power and the overwhelming knowledge that you will never be good enough.
That is, after all, why we teach our convictions to children. Sure, there is a chance that our children will be straight, white men without our intervention, but often we are not so lucky. Many unfortunate Christians have gotten blessings from God that were touched by Satan, or even worse, were female or disabled. But with a little love and horrific bedtime stories about Hell, we can ensure that our children are scared into being just like us, so everything can stay the same. Forever.
let us take a moment to say a prayer for those unfortunate heterosexual christian couples who are consummating a female or otherwise disabled child even as we speak.
you can’t see it, but i’m flying my fully-operative penis at half-mast.