PS3
Resistance 2
Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2
Infamous
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
BioShock 2
F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
Assassin’s Creed 2
Heavy Rain

3D Dot Game Heroes
Bayonetta
Yakuza 3
Brutal Legend
LittleBigPlanet
Final Fantasy XIII
Yakuza 3
NBA Jam
Soul Calibur IV

PSN
Shatter

Critter Crunch
Pixel Junk Monsters
Pixel Junk Shooter
Trine
Soldner X 1-2
Pac-Man Championship Edition DX

DS
Chrono Trigger
Kingdom Hearts 358/2
New Super Mario Bros.
Picross 3D
Planet Puzzle League
Tetris DS
Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

Dragon Quext IX
Advanced Wars Dual Strike
Animal Crossing Wild World
Carcassonne
Contact
Henry Hatsworth in The Puzzling Adventure
Kirby Squeak Squad
Mario Kart
Metroid Prime Pinball
Moon
Ninjatown
N+
Picross DS
Pokemon Pearl
Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
Retro Game Challenge
Scribblenauts
Sonic Rush
Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

PSP
Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

God of War: Ghost of Sparta

PC
Left 4 Dead 2
F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin

Minecraft
Audiosurf
Beat Hazard
Burnout Paradise
TorchLight
World of Goo
Grand Theft Auto IV
Just Cause 2
Plain Sight

I really want to restart Spirit Tracks; that was one of the most original Zelda games I’ve played in a while. Minecraft, Dragon Quest IX, and Picross 3D have been my most recent sources of crack. I’d say my “Game of the Year” is Minecraft. Its burrowed itself in the deepest depths of my OCD and hasn’t let go.

Oh, by the way, I love Minecraft so much I’ve been making these videos:

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The paddle can shoot a marvelous display of laser bullets.

Shatter is also free with a PlayStation Plus subscription which is how I found it. Which, by the way, so far has been a good deal at $18 for three months or $50 for a year. I’ve downloaded dozens of themes and tons of free games since I subscribed in August. Of course, you can’t keep the games when you stop PSN+, but most of the games aren’t worth keeping either. Except Shatter!

First off, I want you to forget everything you’ve learned about safety. It’s just me and you now. Do you want a drink? Please treat yourself to some Dr. Pepper® and follow along with my tips.

1) Kids from Mars and Their Xanax Bars

Buy a bondage kit for your kids. Then modify it into a “Child Safety Suspension System”. It may sound a little creepy at first, but your kids will love it once they’re aware of its benefits. Just make sure the restraints are rubber so they can bounce around like kids should bounce around. It will help reminding them that Tigger likes to bounce. In all serious, I understand this may sound socially unacceptable and morally wrong. And I’ll just leave it at that, and yeah I can see that. Society will continue to evolve, however. All your negative emotions will vanish once you realize your kids are safe and having fun trying to escape the game.

2) Methylphenidate Will Set ‘Em Straight

Did you know that if you install a TV in your car the kids will sit down and shut up? It works better than Ritalin! I highly suggest this kids show called Yo Gabba Gabba. I looked up some clips on YouTube and some of the guest music is pretty good. Includes MGMT, Black Kids, Of Montreal, and Ting Tings among others. If anyone questions your razor sharp focus on this seemingly simple show, tell them it was just on while you were talking to the kids. Then pat yourself on the back for monitoring what your kids watch.

3) Nick Jr. Edition

Tell your kids that you removed the airbags; they may be less likely to bounce around and annoy the piss out of you. But dishonesty is never a good policy by any means. So, actually remove the airbags from the car. If they question your judgment, just remind them that you grew up without dashboard airbags. The typical child will proceed to STFU. If not, seek a Ritalin prescription because you’re a terrible parent for not having kids that sit still and not move.

And that’s all you need to know for now.

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First off, let’s fast forward to the privacy models these websites use. Twitter is the most open of these networks. Facebook is essentially a walled garden because most people have privacy settings or have their profile completely blocked from non-friends. Non-friends, by the way, is slang for people who have not given into the smash hit service that wants to protect you from other people. Myspace is basically a site that intends to be a walled garden but nobody can figure out that fucking control panel.

Now let’s contrast this to what was going on during the 90s. AOL was trying to BE the internet by tricking n00bs into believe their interface was the “internet.” It was “online” in America. You have patriotism, tech bubble jargon, and those free coasters that everybody loves contributing to AOL’s success. For all your grandmother knew she was seeing The Matrix.

And that wraps up this ramble. I’ll try to post a little more often if I ever manage to free myself from Minecraft.

But guess what? I’m not going there! Today I will focus on the kind of personalities believing in a sky wizard attracts rather than the merits of said sky wizard. Because you see, to actually believe in such supernatural phenomena, these people have to have an ego as big as the god they believe to be real.

What’s the point of believing in some overwhelming savior if you can’t at least imagine what he might physically and mentally be like. To be able to preach to others and share the “word of god” you have to think like a god, and so thanks to years of church reinforcement they want to be that much closer to said god. Why wouldn’t they be? After all, he is the center of the universe and the reason for everything, so they will logically gravitate to him. And just like a child wanting to be more like their parents, they want to be more like the Ultimate Parent.

See how this might be the perfect storm for turning your child into an arrogant douche? Maybe you might say I’m saying that a god-like character is inescapably an arrogant motherfucker, and you’re probably right. In exchange for the after-life delusion, religious people sacrifice an element of humanity that is going extinct: humility.

When I was a child growing up I couldn’t reconcile everything being rational in school and then going to church and having these supernatural elements integrated into almost every sentence they said. It was a constant culture shock to me. I think any facility that has the power to take someone’s brain and let them believe their own fiction is a manufacturing site for craziness.

Another note that may be of interest: a 2,000 year old book can’t explain everything, so the context of the modern world fills the gaps of their religious world view, so this unconscious integration of culture and religion — ideas only apparent to the believer to be very serious business (such as God creating their telephone) — compounds the situation and makes the belief system that much more dangerous to their mental health.

For instance, I used to think that god created my Super Nintendo. My SNES was all I cared about back then so in my own way of thinking, god must have been good if he could create video games. So I prayed to god that I may get a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. That day never came so I started questioning whether god was real. That bastard Jesus gave me a PlayStation, I thought. Why has god forsaken me? But for me to even assume god was capable of immaculate console giving, made me think of myself as more powerful than other people. So the vicious cycle of being an arrogant douche continued until I excluded the supernatural elements from my everyday thought.

So, in the end of the day, its good these people have found a way to deal with their fragile mortality, but it came at the cost of being a crazy asshole. After all, they know “god” better than anyone, right? That’s what I’ve been told will happen to me if I get saved.

Please, save me from their bullshit.  Also notice I, without thinking, wrote this entire article as matter-of-fact? I’m afraid this type of upbringing has affected me in certain douchey ways. It may be too late for me, but please: if you decide to have kids, don’t fill their heads with garbage. Teach them ideas that have been proven to some degree by scientists, scholars, and common sense.

Stay tuned for the next post: how Jesus turned his people into foot-licking homosexuals.

The egg burrito meals consist of two burritos, altogether four eggs, one slice of American, two table spoons of Mama Lupe’s salsa, and two strips of bacon wrapped in tortillas. I usually can only eat one of these meals a day, but if I happen to be doing a lot of work, sometimes I will make another meal before bed.

Why the egg burrito diet? Once upon a time, I used to eat nothing but McDonald’s egg burritos. Then I started trying to justify paying $5 for something an eight year old could make. I have noticed my weight generally stays within 125-130 lb (convert that to KG you commies!) and I take a multi-vitamin to offset the lack of diversity in my diet.

There are pros and cons to a diet such as this. On the one hand, feeding yourself the most predictable meal perhaps influences the growth of certain stomach enzymes to process the same meal more efficiently. I do notice stomach trouble whenever I stray from this type of food. But I may not be getting enough grains. I mean, all of the stuff in these burritos is pretty high up on the food pyramid!

What do you eat? Any suggestions?

First a little background information on what this is. A bunch of Mexicans tripped on it to justify their religious bullshit and now kids on Youtube embarrass their families on it. Salvia is an extremely potent hallucinogen that, depending on the dosage, can range from mild disorientation to completely losing self awareness while in a dream-like stupor.

Understand its not a party drug. Any tool that has the potential to give you a microscope view into your unconsciousness is exactly that: a tool. You need a reason to want to take a drug such as this – to gain insight into personal issues, interpret the world differently — but if you’re expecting a cheap buzz, you will be sorely disappointed.

STEP 1: Find a source
Salvia is very easy to obtain compared to most psychoactive drugs. You can go to Grasscity and buy nine grams of leaves for $20 or just google around, but it usually stays in that price range. For a first time user, I highly suggest staying away from the extracts, starting with the less-potent leaves as you acquaint yourself with the drug’s effects. Or if you don’t live in a state that made the legality the equivalent to child molestation like me, go to your local gas station.

STEP 2: Find a trip sitter
This is the most important step. Everyone’s brain chemistry is different. Salvia is a k-opioid agonist, meaning, it switches on a certain class of receptors that are widely distributed in your brain. Because scientific research is limited I feel confident in saying it is very unpredictable and there is no telling how any single individual might react to it. Some people move around in a confused state while others don’t. You never know. Don’t come back to reality to witness your house on fire! Make sure a sober friend is nearby and that they have a basic understanding of the drug.

STEP 3: Turn the lights out!
To fully experience the dissociative effects, especially at lower doses (such as leaves), you will want to make sure there are no visual distractions. Make sure you can trip in a comfortable space such as a bed or a really nice chair. Don’t do Salvia while standing up or in a folding chair. You may also want to turn on some music as it sounds very awesome on Salvia.

STEP 4: How to hit it
Once you’ve planned your environment and your trip sitter, now is the time for you to smoke it. You will need a bong (water pipe) to get the most concentrated smoke. Salvia blunts generally don’t do much for people. The active ingredient, Salvinorum A, has to combust at a very high temperature – more so than weed or tobacco, so be sure to hold the flame over the leaves during the entire bong rip. Release the carb and try to hold it in as long as physically possible after the chamber is loaded with smoke.

STEP 5: Trip
After that you should be in outer space or something. But if not, always repeat! Most trips last about five minutes but from your point of view it can be perceived as far longer than it really is. If you start to freak out, try to remember that its a temporary state. You may start to forget who you are and may start seeing your life as an inanimate object or as another person — don’t worry, it’s fine!

STEP 6: Reflect on your trip
Did the experience have any applicable insight on your everyday life? Was there anything interesting you learned or was your brain going on auto-pilot at least enjoyable to you? Was it horrifying?!

And that’s a crash course on Salvia. Enjoy and with any drug that alters your mind, tread with caution.