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25 Valentines Ideas for the Lonely

  1. Watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So romantic.
  2. Cry because you have nobody.
  3. Try and find movie without a sub-plot of love.
  4. Plan to buy all of the Valentine’s day chocolate when it’s on sale on the 15th.
  5. Send Kimbo Slice a teddy bear.
  6. Go into a kindergarten class and steal all of their chocolate and valentines cards.
  7. Rock out to Love Stinks – J. Geils Band.
  8. Avoid all Taylor Swift music, she will remind you of your loneliness. Guaranteed.
  9. Take up basket weaving.
  10. Set up an account on Lavalife for laughs.
  11. Turn to WoW and get hit on continuously (if you’re a girl).
  12. Use the day as a stepping stone to tell your crush how you feel.
  13. Eat chocolate, and lots of it.
  14. Philosophize about who cupid is.
  15. Send yourself flowers.
  16. Ruin the day for others.
  17. Stalk the apple of your eye, because that’s not creepy at all.
  18. Go into stores and say you need 13 gifts because you’re a polygamist.
  19. Buy an old lady some flowers.
  20. Sing LOVE to your dog.
  21. Go on and ask strangers to be your valentine.
  22. Put your hopes and dreams in a bottle then throw it into the ocean.
  23. Make a robot that is capable of love.
  24. Make good use of your money and buy a Snuggie instead of chocolate or teddy bears.
  25. Avoid Hallmark. But if you must cross its path… egg it.
Written by Ryan Lalonde

1 Comment

  1. dan · April 18, 2010

    i beat #3. 2001: a space odyssey.

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